Equal Partnership between Men and Women in Families

“By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”

God said, “I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine” (D&C 38:27). The idea of being “one” is an eternal doctrine. God has commanded us to be united together in one heart and in one mind (Moses 7:18).

The first marriage that was performed on the earth, by God himself, is great for us to look to as an example of unity in marriage. Ezra Taft Benson said, “Adam and Eve provide us with an ideal example of a covenant marriage relationship. They labored together; they had children together; they prayed together; and they taught their children the gospel-Together. This is the pattern God would have all righteous men and women imitate”.

Adam and Eve were equal partners. In Elder Bruce C. Hafen’s talk titled “Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners” he points out that Eve alone wasn’t the culprit to the fall. Eve took the first step, but Adam chose to stick by her side and partake of the fruit also because he knew that God intended for man and woman to be one in the Lord (1 Corinthians 11:11). Husbands and wives should show that same support and equality as partners just like Adam and Eve did. They did everything together.

Elder Hafen also pointed out in his talk that “no one has the right to define gender based roles”. Each couple has their own individual virtues and attributes that they put together in a way that fits in their marriage. The Proclamation is very clear in stating that husbands are to preside and lead the family. This doesn’t take away the equality from the partnership in marriage, but adds to it. President Joseph F. Smith said, “There is no higher authority in matters relating to the family organization, and especially when that organization is presided over by one holding the higher Priesthood, than that of the father”. He goes onto say that it isn’t the fact that fathers are more qualified than wives or that one is more worthy than the other when it comes to leading the family, but it’s a matter of law and order. Wives heed to the counsel of their husband for the same reason that members of the church heed to the counsel of the prophet. As the couple shares the responsibilities in their home- finding what works best in their marriage- and pray together often to strengthen their marriage and their family, they can be equal partners.

Elder Hafen’s states, “In the little kingdom of a family, each spouse freely gives something the other does not have and without which neither can be complete and return to God’s presence”.

I love how this quote talks about how husbands and wives have different talents and gifts which complement each other.  It’s cute that couples really do “complete” each other. When each individual completes their role in their marriage and family, things roll smoothly and every one feels equal. They feel like they are included and are helping their family in some big way. God didn’t give us gifts so that they are disregarded. As husbands and wives each do their part, the task will become easier and seem natural and they will find happiness in serving each other.

When I got married, I quickly realized how many important life-changing decisions had to be made as a couple. Our two individual lives suddenly became one and it didn’t take long for me to see how every choice I made directly affected my husband. Learning the desires and wishes that each other had in life and then combining it into one has greatly taught us how to compromise and think of each other rather than ourselves. As it says in D&C 38:27, we cannot be God’s if we are not one.

My husband and I got our wedding announcement framed along with our engagement picture. When I look at it I am reminded of the love we shared at the beginning of our marriage and compare that to the love we share now. We have really grown together as we have strove to become one with God and with each other.

*This post is all in reference to Chapter 4 of Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives, by Alan J. Hawkins, David C. Dollahite, and Thomas W. Draper (2012).

Additional Resources:

Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners, by Elder Bruce C. Hafen

Equal Partnership in Marriage, by Valerie M. Hudson and Richard B. Miller

Unity, by Marion G. Romney