Supporting Families across Generations

“Extended families should lend support when needed.”

We live in a time where the average person lives a longer, healthier life. This is such a blessing because children get to grow up with their parents and grandparents and have the opportunity and time to enjoy relationships with them for many years. Positive behaviors in children come as their grandparents are actively involved in their lives. “Children’s perceptions of emotional closeness to their grandparents is related to reduced acting-out behaviors, such as sexual promiscuity, drug abuse, and delinquency, and fewer symptoms of depression.” (Alan J. Hawkins, 2012)

I think it’s so important to have good relationships with extended family. Families should seek out opportunities to strengthen relationships with each other. Family members should be available to lend support when needed and provide care and love for each other. That’s what families are for. I cherish the relationships I have on both sides of my family. Each relationship has uniquely added a piece of who I am today and has taught me something about myself. They are a part of me. I learn so much from their life experiences and testimonies.

I am very close to my Grandpa Coy. Ever since I was little he would take me under his wing and show me the ropes of life. When he would visit, we were attached at the hip. One of my favorite things we would do together was when he would teach me how to build stuff with my dad in his shop. That was his favorite place to be and it quickly became mine. The time we spent together was very special. Every night before bed I would go into my Grandparent’s room and write a note to leave on their pillow which expressed my love for them. When it was time for them to drive back home, I would often sneak into their car and hide in the back seat because I didn’t want to leave them. They would find me within five minutes of driving, drive me back home, and give me an extra squeeze before driving away again. It became routine for them to check their car for grand-kids before leaving our house. My Grandpa was my greatest friend. Four years ago my Grandpa passed away and a year later my Grandma joined him. Although they are not here with me, I still feel of their love and support for me every day.

This is what I want for my children. I want them to have wonderful relationships with their Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and other family members. It’s important for me to set time aside for my family to visit our relatives so that my kids will have opportunities to make good memories with their extended family and build relationships with them. If my parents hadn’t made time to take us to our Grandparent’s house, my relationship with my Grandpa most likely wouldn’t have been as strong.

It is also important for family to take care of disabled or elderly family members. President Ezra Taft Benson said, “We encourage families to give their elderly parents and grandparents the love, care, and attention they deserve. Let us remember the scriptural command that we must care for those of our own house lest we be found ‘worse than an infidel’ (1 Timothy 5:8)….If they become less able to live independently, then family, Church, and community resources may be needed to help them when the elderly become unable to care for themselves, even with supplemental aid, care can be provided in the home of a family member when possible”. 

I have seen great examples of such care in the homes of my husband’s family. His grandmother has Alzheimer’s disease and is unable to care for herself. She has lived in her oldest son’s home for them to take care of for six years. Although at times it has been burdensome and stressful on that household, they have the help and support of other family members and feel closer as a family by providing that service for their mother/grandmother. “Despite the demands of caregiving, this labor of love also brings significant blessings” (Alan J. Hawkins, 2012). To see what life is like in my husband's family's home, check out this video.

In order for my daughter to start building relationships with her extended family at a young age, I made her a book of all her family members. As she flips through the pages, she’ll see pictures of her family members and will be able to learn about them while they’re away. In this way she can remember who they are and that they love her even when they’re not around.

*This post is all in reference to Chapter 17 of Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives, by Alan J. Hawkins, David C. Dollahite, and Thomas W. Draper (2012).

Additional Resources:

Extending Family Relationships

Fundamentals of Enduring Family Relationships, by Ezra Taft Benson

Family Home Evening Lesson to teach the importance of the Extended Family
Living With Herbie (A video about caring for parents with Alzheimer’s)