“Husband and wife have
a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.”
There is a
lot one can do to strengthen their marriage. I don’t have all the answers, but
after reading a few books on the subject I want to offer up some great suggestions.
In the book
The
Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman talks about how
important it is to maintain a strong friendship with your spouse. He tells us what he means by friendship in
marriage when he says, “I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each
other’s company” (pg.19). I too feel that friendships are important in marriage
because it brings closeness to the relationship where the couple knows each
other’s personality, likes/dislikes, and dreams. In a relationship such as
this, a couple would care for each other continually and would want to spend
time together, work through problems, and find mutual happiness in their
marriage.
In a
marriage, husband and wife need to constantly build their relationship one step
at a time. They need to give their marriage continual attention and work on it
daily to give it the love it needs to grow. Working on communication skills and
striving to follow the principles of the gospel can help each person give 100% to
their spouse.
Every
marriage needs unity to thrive. The way to find unity in marriage is to strive
to come unto Christ. As each individual improves their relationship with God,
the couple will become united together. This can be illustrated as a triangle
with God at the peak and the husband and wife on the bottom corners. God can
help every marriage become more united.
As I come unto
Christ and strive to be more like Him every day, I will come closer not only to
Him, but also to my husband. I can strengthen my marriage by living gospel
principles and striving to be the best person I can be. I have learned that in
order to draw heaven into a marriage, the individuals in the marriage need to
rid themselves of the “natural man” and be born again in Christ. As each
individual comes closer to their Savior, they will draw closer to each other
which will allow them to overcome challenges in their marriage. In the book Drawing
Heaven into Your Marriage, the
author states that he believes “the key to a healthy relationship is being a
healthy, saintly, God-seeking person- to be born again- to be a new creature in
Christ”. A person can change their nature by heeding to the Spirit and living
in a way that reflects Christ’s character; being like the scripture says,
“Submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all
things which the Lord seeth fit…” (Mosiah 3:19).
I have learned
that the only way to overcome our natural selves is to be converted in the
Gospel of Jesus Christ and live in a way which reflects what we sincerely
believe and have been taught through Christ’s example. Having a successful
marriage to me means that both individuals in the marriage do their part in
strengthening their relationship with their Savior. As they do the couple will
build a stronger bond with each other. Marriage is ordained of God. He is the
one who can help us overcome the natural man in our life so that we can become
like Him.
To overcome
our natural selves, we need to rid ourselves of pride. Pride is the opposite of unity. It tears couples apart and pulls
them away from God. Pride can so easily work itself into our lives in so many
ways unless we are constantly working towards bettering ourselves and uplifting
others.
President Benson said that
pride is “manifest in so many ways, such as faultfinding, gossiping,
backbiting, murmuring, living beyond our means, envying, coveting, withholding
gratitude, and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving and
jealous”. Contention and selfishness is another way pride works its way into a
marriage. Sometimes couples compete with each other. They have the attitude of
“I’m right and you’re wrong” instead of finding unity.
President Benson said, “In the
scriptures there is no such thing as righteous pride. It is always considered
as a sin. We are not speaking of a wholesome view of self-worth which is
established by a close relationship with God. But we are speaking of pride as
the universal sin…Essentially, pride is a ‘my will’ rather than ‘thy will’
approach to life…Pride does not look up to God and care about what is right. It
looks sideways to man and argues who is right…To the proud, the applause of the
world rings in their ears; to the humble, the applause of heaven warms their
hearts.”
Reading this quote reminds me
that pride is the universal sin- everyone on Earth struggles with it. It’s
something that we need to constantly be fighting against inside ourselves so
that we don’t become accustom to it. I like the imagery in this quote when it
says that those who are prideful look “sideways” rather than looking up to God.
Pride causes one to regress rather than progress. Satan cannot get to you if
you are living righteously. I have found that the little things can cause the
most damage in a relationship and can take the most work to get rid of. For me
I need to constantly keep my thoughts in check so that I don’t let feelings of
contention, ingratitude, defensiveness, selfishness or any other affect my
behavior or attitude.
Another thing that can heal a
relationship and allow growth in marriage is forgiveness. Orson F. Whitney
said, “We are required to forgive all men, for our own sakes, since hatred
retards spiritual growth”. In order for us to progress in our marriage, we need
to have a forgiving heart. It’s hard for God to bless our marriage when one or
both of us is holding a grudge against the other and won’t forgive. To have the
Spirit in the home, one needs to be forgiving and have a pure heart; a heart
that isn’t filled with hate or anger, but that’s full of humility and love. We
need to understand that everyone makes mistakes, including ourselves, and we
need to forgive if we expect to be forgiven for our mishaps.
President
Hinckley said, “I have witnessed much of the best and much of the worst in
marriage…Faultfinding replaces praise. When we look for the worst in anyone, we
will find it. But if we will concentrate on the best, that element will grow
until it sparkles”.
I have found
in my marriage that when my husband and I both turn toward Christ and strive to
follow in his footsteps, we come closer together and have a greater love for
each other. Faith in Christ reminds us to keep an eternal perspective which
helps us remember the sanctity of our marriage and what we are to become. It
also draws our minds back on the Atonement which helps me remember that through
Christ I can repent and be better as well as forgive and love harder.
Having an
eternal perspective helps me to remember my divine nature and know that I can
one day live with Heavenly Father again with my eternal family. With that in
mind I can strive to develop those Christ-like qualities and characteristics
that will help me become who I want to be. Doing so will help me be the best
spouse I can be which will improve my marriage.
Brigham Young said,
“There is not a single condition of life that is entirely unnecessary; there is
not one hour’s experience but what is beneficial to all those who make it their
study, and aim to improve upon the experience they gain”. I know my marriage
will come with many bumps and bruises, but as I encounter them with faith and
trust in Christ, they will only strengthen our bond and my testimony. Life’s experiences
build our character and help us find joy in our journey. I feel very prepared
to live my life alongside my husband going forward with faith, but I can always
do more to prepare.
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For this
topic, I chose to create a decoration for my home that reminds me to be the
very best spouse I can be. I hang it up high where I can easily see it
throughout the day. I painted Gordon B. Hinckley’s 6 B’s onto it. They include:
1.
Be Grateful
2.
Be
Smart
3.
Be
Clean
4.
Be
True
5.
Be
Humble
6.
Be
Prayerful
By “Being”
these things every day, I will come closer to Heavenly Father and my spouse. These
things will invite the Spirit and help me keep my marriage strong. To read the
wonderful talk where Gordon B. Hinckley introduced these 6 B’s click HERE.
*This post is all in
reference to Chapter 3 of Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation
Principles and Research Perspectives, by Alan J. Hawkins, David C. Dollahite,
and Thomas W. Draper (2012) and Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, by H.
Wallace Goddard (2009).
Additional Resources:
I encourage all to read
·
Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage by H. Wallace
Goddard (2009)
·
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
(1999).
· “Beware of Pride” by Ezra Taft Benson
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