“Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love
and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach
them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God, and to
be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.”
Becoming a
parent is a wonderful blessing. The sacred duties that parents have to bear,
raise, and teach their children are a privilege and a divine gift from God. An
individual who takes part in this divine calling allows so much growth to take
place. It allows them to become more like Heavenly Father by developing more
Christ-like qualities, creating life and bringing children into the world,
learning how to face challenges in life and learn from them, building upon their
eternal family, and so much more. As we follow God’s plan for us we will always
find growth and progression. Happiness comes as we are tried, tested,
stretched, and molded into the person we are working to become. Parenthood is
one way in which God gives us happiness in this life and the next.
The best
approach in parenting is the Authoritative or Active approach. This approach can
be compared to the way my friend thinks about parenthood. She said “It’s a lot
like walking UP on a downward escalator. We can't stop moving or we lose
progress and we have to pick up the pace if we want to get ahead. It requires
effort and hard work but it is worth it!” Being a parent is a lot of hard work
and effort, but I agree that it is well worth it.
The Active approach
is all about parents proactively teaching their children good values and
principles to live by early on in their lives. It gives them a good foundation
to grow upon and build their character. Parents create an environment for their
kid that “promotes positive parent-child relationships and invites the spirit
of the Lord” (Alan J. Hawkins, 2012). Elder Robert D. Hales said “The key
to strengthening our families is having the spirit of the Lord come into our
homes”. In this mortal life we find ourselves being pulled one way or
another; towards God or towards Satan. Progressing or regressing. Remaining
active is something that we need to do to find progress. Faith, for example,
requires action in order to grow. The active parenting style similarly brings
growth and progression to children as righteous principles and values are
exercised in the home. President Boyd K. Packer reminds us that “it is a great
challenge to raise a family in the darkening mists of our moral environment’”
so without actively teaching young ones righteous principles and creating a
good environment for them to learn and grow, our moral environment will
naturally pull them the other way.
The proclamation teaches
principles of love. It reads, “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to
love and care for each other and for their children… parents have a sacred duty
to rear their children in love and righteousness… to teach them to love and
serve one another”. This chapter states that “Success in family life is
deemed to be grounded in honoring principles such as ‘forgiveness, respect,
love, [and] compassion'” (Alan J. Hawkins, 2012). The principles found in the
Proclamation are all about bringing the spirit into the home, strengthening
relationships, and rearing a child to reach their full potential. This chapter
also explained that “Parents can actively help their children develop positive
traits or overcome undesirable tendencies. Children will be most open to
instruction when they feel loved and accepted by their parents. Parents must
also provide significant instruction in the morals and values that a child must
learn in order to effectively self-regulate. Learning occurs depending on
parent’s behavior…” (Alan J. Hawkins, 2012). The Active Parenting approach along with the Proclamation
keeps children close to the Church and gospel principles as they are raised in
a righteous home by parents who love them.
My mom was very diligent in
holding a Family Home Evening every Monday night. In mine and my sister’s
adolescent stage, my mom got pretty discouraged about holding these meetings
every week because we wouldn’t listen to her lessons. She knew that it was
important to have that time as a family and would come prepared to teach us and
share her testimony, but it seemed like it wasn’t making a difference.
Regardless of her feelings, she continued to follow the Spirit and hold Family
Home Evening every week. At the time, I definitely wanted to be hanging with my
friends rather than sitting as a family and learning about the gospel, but
because my mom stuck with it and continued holding these meetings, I was inspired
by my mother’s example and diligence and would often leave the meeting wanting
to learn about the gospel for myself. Once FHE was over, I would go straight to
my room, shut the door, and write in my journal about what my mom had taught
me. I wanted to pray and read my scriptures more to learn about the cool stuff
my mom was teaching us about. I didn’t show my interest in her words as she
spoke during family night, and often would disengage myself from the
conversation, but I was present and listening despite my appearance and
attitude. My mom didn’t realize it, but she was making a big impact on my life.
Our Family Home Evenings definitely made a difference in my life and today hold
my fondest memories of hearing my mom’s testimony. Practicing does make a
difference.
I challenge all parents to
continue practicing gospel principles in their homes even if it seems like it’s
not making a difference in their children’s lives. I promise you it does. Remember
that parents may run into problems when they practice this active approach some
of the time and fall into a coercive approach when parenting gets hard. This
drives the spirit away and confuses the child. They need to feel your love and
know that you are actively there for them even when times are hard. “Permissive
or uninvolved/disengaged parents who do not actively teach their children or
confront them when they act inappropriately may find that their children will
not learn important principles or learn to exercise proper self-governance” (Alan J. Hawkins, 2012). I
encourage you moms and dads out there to think about some ways that you can more
actively apply the proclamation principles into your parenting while continuing
to show your children that you love them.
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I made this Family Home Evening
board for my family. It shows who in our family is in charge of doing each
activity for the meeting. It’s magnetic so that my daughter can easily put the
names in the proper places. I plan on practicing gospel principles in my family
and hope to be as diligent in holding Family Home Evenings as my mother was.
*This post is all in
reference to Chapter 11 of Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation
Principles and Research Perspectives, by Alan J. Hawkins, David C. Dollahite,
and Thomas W. Draper (2012).
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